Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual

Everyone is unique and different. Our sexuality is unique to each of us. It is not just about being physically attracted to someone else but includes the need to love and be loved - it can be an emotional need as well as a physical need.

Some people are heterosexual, others are gay, bi-sexual or lesbian. Our society is not openly accepting of sexual behaviour that is seen as being different. Therefore the difficulties young people face as a result of their sexuality can be considerable.

These may include being bullied or teased, resulting in feelings of low self-esteem and loneliness which may lead to possible self-harm and even suicide.

During puberty lots of new exciting feelings can occur within your body. It is normal to feel attracted to and more comfortable with persons of your own sex, or to have homosexual experiences. This does not mean you are gay, lesbian or bi-sexual. It can be part of adolescence - a time when young people decide for themselves who they are and what they want from life. If you are confused about your feelings, speak to someone you feel you can trust and confide in. It is important to be honest with yourself and, when you feel ready, honest with others about how you feel and to whom you are attracted.

The sections below will provide you with useful web addresses and telephone numbers for further support.

Remember whatever you are, it's OK.

There's nothing wrong with being gay, bi-sexual or lesbian. It's normal. If you're not sure about your sexuality, just remember, it doesn't matter either way. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

There is no easy way for people to know they are gay but eventually the time feels right for them to address this. Research has shown that young gay men have described a number of feelings that eventually made them realise they were gay. Coming out and accepting your sexuality to yourself is the first step in this process.

For advice and information you can contact any of the following links:
www.cara-friend.org.uk
www.avert.org.uk www.gyyni.org.uk
www.psni.police.uk/index/hate_crime_reporting.htm (PSNI Hate Crime Reporting)
www.foylefriend.org.uk
www.rainbow-project.com
www.4therapy.com
www.fpa.org.uk
www.likeitis.org.uk
www.mindbodysoul.gov.uk
www.hebs.com/thinkaboutit/
www.ruthinking.co.uk
www.brook.org.uk
www.lovelife.uk.com

Gay Helpline
Mon, Tues, Wed
7.30pm-10.00pm
Tel:028 9032 2023

Lesbian Line
Thurs
7.30pm-10.00pm
Tel:028 9023 8668

Samaritans
Tel:0845 790 9090

Parents too may benefit from linking in to the sites and organisations listed above as they help provide an insight into how young gay men and women feel and the problems they encounter.

A useful local publication "Mum, Dad, I've got something to tell you" is available free of charge, by telephoning 028 9032 1313 and was compiled as a guide by parents who have lesbian, gay or bi-sexual children

It is legal to be gay, lesbian or bi-sexual. In Northern and Southern Ireland the legal age of consent for sex is 17 years. In England, Scotland and Wales it is 16.

1. What does it mean to be gay, lesbian or bi-sexual?
Some people feel attracted to others of the same sex and go on to have sexual relationships with them. These feelings towards someone of the same sex can be very intense and lasting and their sexuality may be described as being gay or lesbian. Others have gay feelings initially, which may develop or change over a period of time as they become attracted to people of the opposite sex. People who feel equally attracted to men and women and who have sex with both, describe themselves as being bi-sexual.

2. Is it OK to be gay, lesbian or bi-sexual?
Yes. At some point, people who are gay, lesbian or bi-sexual realise and accept that not only are they attracted to someone of the same sex but that these feelings do not change. Accepting that they are gay, bi-sexual or lesbian can be easy for some, while for others it may be a difficult and distressing time. If you are experiencing difficulty with accepting your sexuality or 'coming out', seek support from someone you can trust or use the helplines provided to help talk your feelings through.

3. If I have strong feelings for my same sex friend, Am I gay?
It can be normal during adolescence to be attracted to someone of the same sex. Many young people feel turned on by someone of the same sex at different times during puberty and some have homosexual experiences. Take time to work these feelings through. If possible, try and talk this through with someone you feel you can trust or link into the website addresses or telephone helplines provided.

4. What is meant by 'coming out'?
'Coming out' refers to the term used by gay, lesbian or bi-sexual people when they decide to be open and talk about their sexual orientation to any of the following: family, friends, work colleagues or others.

5. A male friend has told me he is gay, I am straight, is it OK to shower with him after games at school?
It has probably been quite difficult for your friend to disclose his sexuality to you. He obviously sees you as someone he can trust and rely on, as a friend. Don't be worried about showering with him or continuing your friendship. He is probably very aware of your sexuality and not interested in you, other than as a friend whom he trusts.

6. I am gay and have had sex without a condom, does this mean I have got AIDS?
HIV is the virus which can lead to AIDS. Whether you are gay or straight, having unprotected sex (i.e. sex without a condom) increases your risk of acquiring sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV infection. Most STI's are easily treated. If you are concerned you may have been at risk, go along to your nearest genito-urinary medicine clinic for a check up. These are clinics which provide confidential sexual health screening, advice and information. You will find the telephone number in the services directory section of this site.

7. What is meant by unsafe sex?
Unsafe sex is any sexual practice that carries a risk of getting or passing on any sexually transmitted infection, including HIV. It usually involves sex without a condom or other means of barrier protection. Condoms can help to stop the transmission of body fluids, which carry the STI's, from one person to another. If practising anal sex, it is important to use extra strong condoms and water based lube to reduce your risk of getting an STI. Condoms are available free of charge from Family Planning and GUM clinics and can be bought in chemists.

8. Are gay men more at risk of acquiring STI's?
Gay men are not more at risk of acquiring a STI, however the more sexual partners an individual has increases their potential risk of getting a STI. It is important to be aware of risks of unsafe sex. Used properly, condoms will help to reduce the risks of acquiring STI's through unsafe sexual practices.